Being Chosen Isn’t the Same as Being Cherished

"We accept the love we think we deserve." — Stephen Chbosky

We all want to be chosen.

To be picked, pursued, and held close. We want someone to see us through the noise and chaos of life and say, 'You.' I choose you. It feels affirming. It feels safe. It feels like arrival like we've finally made it to some promised land of belonging.

But being chosen isn't the same as being cherished.

And that difference? It changes everything.

Because sometimes, we settle for being chosen by people who don't know how to stay. By people who are drawn to our light but don't know how to tend the flame.

People who fall in love with the idea of us, the Instagram version of us, the carefully curated self that fits neatly into their narrative but who flinch at the rawness of our full humanity.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." — Eden Ahbez.

We confuse attention for intimacy. We confuse pursuit for devotion. We confuse being wanted with being known.

Choosing someone is not a one-time declaration.

It's a choice you make again and again, especially when it's hard, when it's inconvenient, when the initial glow fades, and the beautiful, messy reality rises to the surface.

Being cherished is entirely different.

Being cherished means you're not just picked from a lineup. You're held, honestly held, in the fullness of who you are.

Held in your truth. Held in your growth. Held even when you're not easy or convenient or performing at your peak.

"To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow—this is a human offering that can border on miraculous." — Elizabeth Gilbert.

Being cherished means someone doesn't just want you around; they want to understand you. They stay curious about your becoming. They don't disappear when your sharp edges show or when your wounds surface unexpectedly.

It means they don't keep you close only when you're radiant and agreeable and straightforward but also when you're struggling, when you're tired, when you're uncertain, when you're beautifully, frustratingly complex.

Being cherished means they see you having a bad day and think, How can I support you? Instead of 'How can I help you?'

"You deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable." — Farah Ayaad.

You are not here to be tolerated. You are not here to be someone's backup plan, emotional project, or temporary salve for their loneliness. You are not here to shrink yourself into a more digestible version.

You are here to be met fully in your light and your shadow, in your certainty and your questions, in your strength and your tender places.

You are here to be valued not for what you do or how well you perform the role they've cast you in but for the irreplaceable essence of who you are.

So, if you've been chosen but not cherished, let that be a sacred pause.

Let that be a mirror held up to what you've been accepting.

Let it be a question that cuts through the noise: Is this connection watering my soul or leaving me parched?

"Never love anybody who treats you like you're ordinary." — Oscar Wilde

You don't have to beg for tenderness. You don't have to negotiate your worth or barter away your needs to keep someone interested. You don't have to perform gratitude for the bare minimum.

And you don't have to settle for being picked when your soul is aching to be truly seen.

Real love doesn't just choose you in a moment of passion or convenience.

Real love cherishes you consistently, intentionally, and fiercely.

It says: I see all of you, and I'm not going anywhere.

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage." — Lao Tzu.

That is the love worth waiting for. That is the love worth choosing for yourself. That is the love that transforms not just your heart but your entire understanding of what it means to be human.

Don't settle for anything less.