It has only been almost a week since I got married, so I don’t pretend to have profound wisdom to share.
Marriage, I’m quickly learning, isn’t something you can fully prepare for by reading books or listening to advice; it’s something you discover day by day, in the ordinary moments that follow the wedding celebrations.
The vows were powerful, the day itself unforgettable, but marriage is beginning to feel less like a single milestone and more like a journey that unfolds in daily choices.
Even in these first few days, there are small lessons I’ve started to notice; eight, to be exact. They may not be polished truths, but early impressions that feel worth writing down.
1. Love is a Choice, Not Just a Feeling
I’ve always liked the idea that love is more than emotion, but marriage makes that idea practical. The choice to be patient after a long day, to listen when you’d rather switch off, to forgive quickly, these are deliberate acts, not automatic feelings.
As Erich Fromm once wrote, “Love is not merely a feeling; it is an act of will.”
I’m beginning to see how true that is.
2. Communication is Deeper Than Talking
We’ve talked plenty before, but marriage seems to sharpen the need for clarity and gentleness. It isn’t just about words, but tone, timing, and even silence. I’ve found myself learning to ask not just what my partner is saying, but how they are feeling beneath the surface. Listening with real intent feels like new ground we’re already walking.
3. The Small Things Carry the Weight
The wedding day was grand, but the marriage so far has been built on very ordinary moments: making each other tea, tidying up, sharing a smile across the room. These gestures don’t look impressive, yet they form the rhythm of our life together.
Annie Dillard once observed, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”
That feels truer now than ever.
4. Disagreement Doesn’t Mean Disaster
We’ve already had minor differences over plans and over habits, but I’ve realised conflict isn’t necessarily a sign of trouble. It’s silence or avoidance that would worry me more. Even a week in, I can tell that talking things through, even awkwardly, keeps us close. It’s not about winning, but about staying connected.
5. Marriage is a Subtle Mirror
One surprising thing I have noticed is how quickly marriage reveals your habits. I see my impatience more clearly now, because it affects someone else directly. I also see strengths, moments of calm or encouragement that I might have overlooked before. Marriage feels like holding up a mirror that reflects both your flaws and your better self.
6. Shared Dreams Keep You Moving
It’s easy to get caught up in the immediate, washing, bills, errands, but already I see the value in dreaming aloud about the future. Even something simple, like talking about where we’d like to travel or what sort of home we might want, creates a sense of “us” that stretches beyond the present.
7. Laughter Lightens the Load
If there’s one thing saving us from taking ourselves too seriously, it’s laughter. Silly jokes, half-formed impressions, laughing at our clumsiness, it all helps.
Victor Borge was right: “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”
So far, it’s probably the most underrated glue in marriage.
8. Gratitude Goes a Long Way
I’ve noticed how powerful it is simply to say “thank you.” Whether it’s for something small like washing up or something bigger like emotional support, gratitude changes the atmosphere. It shifts the focus from expectation to appreciation, which, I suspect, might be one of the best habits we can carry forward.
Almost a week in, I know we’re only at the very beginning. I don’t have deep insights, just small glimpses into what marriage might mean.
Already, though, I can sense it won’t be defined by perfection or constant romance, but by choosing each other, day after day, in countless small ways.
“For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks… the work for which all other work is but preparation.” - Maria Rilke.
I can’t say I’ve learned much in a few days, but I know this: I’m grateful to Jehovah and for the opportunity to keep learning, hand in hand.